TeenDramaWhore

In lieu of a live-blog Monday, I offer you my old-school reaction post.

I posted One Tree Hill yesterday.

Read Last Week’s Live-Blog

EPISODE 3.07: How to Succeed in Bassness

• Previously on: Blair says lying to Chuck was necessary, Serena meets Casey the publicist who hires her, Nate tells Olivia is a movie actress from a vampire series, Chuck wants to have a business by age 21, Vanessa introduces Chuck a bar manager, Jenny says Constance will be different this year, Jenny meets the new mean girls willing to support her, Blair tells Jenny she needs to be mean and cold, Jenny orders the girls around
• The title is obviously a take on How to Succeed in Business
• It’s Halloween
• Rufus made KISS pumpkins! I love it!
• Lily and Jenny are trying to organize her clothes.  Apparently they’ve gone shopping.
• I guess this is Lily playing the mom role to her. Kind of nice.
• Lily points out that some clothes don’t fit anymore but Jenny claims they do.
• Hiding a body issue or just really attached to her clothes?
• Chuck is with Blair in a fancy hotel-like place.
• I guess they’re doing better again?  We know it won’t last…
• This is the hotel Chuck owns and he’s concerned about keeping customers.
• Blair says he should open the club to attract people.
• Q1: You’ll be so built you can turn away the tasteless tourists in fanny packs.–Blair
• Blair suggests an 80s theme–fun but cliche.
• Q2: This is a business–not a high school party.–Chuck
• Zing!
• Blair apologizes again for last week and says Chuck already forgave her.
• Would’ve liked to see that scene.  I have a feeling not all is forgiven.  At the very least, I’m sure Chuck Bass doesn’t forget.
• Q3: Now make me kiss a girl already or let’s move on.–Blair
• Chuck apologizes for being on edge because he wants everything to work out.
• He says he needs to prove he’s not just Bart’s son playing a game.  He needs to control his impulses and be a business man.
• Blair calls him sexy but rebuffs her advances, saying he needs to go to a meeting and “do this my own way.”
• Blair gets on her phone and calls someone named Mark, saying she wants to “book [him] for the opening of a new club.”
• Oh, Blair. I am getting so tired of this.
• Dan made Nate get a copy of Olivia’s movie.
• Nate questions whether he’s truly ready to watch.
• Dan says he can handle it but then Nate points out that the film goes beyond, um, “PG-13 blood-sucking.”
• Apparently co-star Patrick Roberts was Olivia’s boyfriend at the time and they weren’t just acting in their love scenes.
• Art imitating life?  Just sayin’.
• Nate cautions Dan again against watching.
• Gossip Girl sends out a blast: a photo showing Olivia getting a condom.
• And apparently it’s on PerezHilton.com as well.  Groan.  Must you feed the beast, GG?  Oh, right, yes. Because you are all about hype.
• Serena and Casey are looking at the photo in the PR offices.  Apparently Serena is okay with this but Casey isn’t.
• Casey says she should only be “practicing” with Patrick but he’s away.
• And Casey told Serena to “take care of the Dan Humphrey situation” but she didn’t.
• That’s a really awkward “situation” for Serena to handle.
• Serena calls it a relationship and says they are happy together but Casey says “their happiness is irrelevant.”
• Kind of surprised we’re not seeing mopey Serena.  Over Carter already?
• Or, how long since the last episode?
• Apparently Patrick is Casey’s client, too, and they need Olivia to keep his career going.
• Serena says she won’t play a role in breaking Olivia and Dan up.
• Casey tells her to make herself useful and do that or get used to delivering underwear to James Franco.
• I’ll take that job!
• Eric says Rufus is trying to get him a costume. I guess Lily isn’t the only one trying to parent the other’s kids.  Kind of nice, I think.
• Jenny says Halloween is one of his favorite holidays so they need to find their own plans (aka a party) to not get roped into his craziness.
• Jenny meets her mean girls on Met steps (a la Blair) but seems hesitant to do so.  Eric peaces out–but not before calling her “queentastic.”
• Jenny’s hesitance is gone as she wastes no time being mean to them and sending them away.
• Real Housewives of New Jersey reference
• She seems nervous when she sees Eric and Jonathan sitting on the steps as well.
• She asks them to move down further because she’s supposed to sit the highest and the girls will question her authority if she’s not.
• Eric agrees and says it’s fine.  They move, not happily.
• Q4: “Looks like Jenny, sounds like Jenny. Is really a dark, power-hungry monster.” “She’s still the same Jenny underneath. She just has to wear that mask at school.”  ‘That mask is becoming her face.”–Jonathan and Eric
• We already know where this storyline is going. And I am so over it.
• Haven’t seen this already?  Aren’t we above this?  I realize Jenny’s still a youngin’ but the audience has grown. (Right?)
• Dan and Nate are watching Olivia’s movie.
• Sure enough, she and her co-star/boyfriend get hot and heavy.
• Nate is clearly enjoying this.
• Dan says the way she is looking at him is clearly love…or lust.
• Q5: Dude, it’s an orgasm.–Nate
• I like seeing them as friends.
• Dan says he’s trying to process it…and then Olivia calls.
• He answers and fakes having the flu.  He says he’ll call her in a couple days.
• Blair and Serena are packing goody bags presumably for Chuck’s party…that he still doesn’t know he’s having.
• But Blair is convinced he’ll love it.
• Serena points out that she “tried to help Carter and that just drove him away.”
• Okay, so at least that’s not forgotten.
• Chuck calls Serena and asks if she’s alone.
• Serena lies and says she is and Blair puts it on speakerphone,  thinking–of course–that Chuck is calling about a gift for her.  Double groan.
• Chuck says they’re not booked and that means they can’t survive til next season.
• Serena suggests getting Lily and Bass industries to help.
• He rejects that, saying he wants a publicist–Serena.
• ‘Cause, you know, she’s already proven how worthy she is and everything.
• Chuck says he wants to open his club tomorrow–Halloween.  So I guess today is actually the day before.  Bad job making that clear, GG.
• Blair is gratified that Chuck, in his own way, is taking her idea.
• I wonder if Chuck overheard her whisper that.
• He says “I don’t want Blair anywhere near this.”
• S quickly hangs up and B looks both confused and hurt.
• Serena apologizes and says Chuck must not have forgiven her.
• Q6: Guess somebody’s ghosts of tricks past have come back to haunt this Halloween.–Gossip Girl
• Not the first time, not the last time because Blair never learns.
• I guess the argument goes that she wouldn’t be Blair if she ever learned but I’d like SOME evolution, maturity, growth, etc.
• Chuck is busy setting up for the party.
• Nate comes by, impressed with this new side of Chuck.
• He’s setting up the bar as a speakeasy, a reference to the 1920s.
• Nate wonders where Blair is and asks if they’re fighting.
• Q7: Fight implies time and energy.  This is more of an ongoing, detached distrust.–Chuck
• Cut to Blair in Serena’s PR office bitching that Chuck “chose you over me.”
• So Blair versus Serena yet again?
• Serena says she needs to prove herself to Casey by making Chuck’s party a hit without her help.
• Blair switches the focus back to her, pointing out that Chuck himself admitted he’s kissed a guy before so what is the big deal?
• Apparently the bigger picture of manipulation and trust eludes her.
• Thank you, Serena! You took the words right out of my mouth! (Or computer.)
• Blair says Chuck is being untrustworthy, too, by pretending he’s not mad at her.
• She is going to demand that he let her help.
• ‘Cause, you know, demands always help situations like these.
• Serena tells Blair this isn’t about her.  Chuck has 24 hours to make his business work.
• S wonders aloud how Bart managed to do everything.
• Blair listens in on S’s phone convo about a sidewalk permit.  She has an awfully suspicious look on her face.
• S asks if she’s even been listening to anything S is trying to tell her.
• Blair says yes, and reiterates that it’s not about her, it’s about Chuck.
• She says she’s going home but we all know she’s not.
• Except Serena. She fell for it.  Lame.
• So much for knowing your BFF!
• Rufus comes home with tons of candy and Dorota’s BF (never understood his name) has a package for Lily.
• Lily says Charles (aka Chuck) invited them to the club opening so they’ll be going there for Halloween.
• And she already got them costumes!
• LOL Rufus points out that Lily was against dressing up…as the Ramones.  (Jenny was going to be Joey).
• Lily says a prohibition party is classy.
• It’s funny because we know young Lily totally would’ve gone Rufus’ way.
• Rufus says there’s nothing classy about partying with your parents and says they should dress up and pass out candy.
• That seems to be the final word on that.
• Lily talks to Vanya (I guess that’s his name??) and apologizes for having that little tiff in front of him.
• Vanya reminds Lily that no trick or treaters come to their building. Oops.
• Lily says she knows but she’s not telling Rufus yet.  Hmmm.
• The mean girls are showing Jenny potential costumes for the prohibition party.
• Jonathan again tells Eric that this isn’t the same Jenny–and he’ll prove it.
• Jonathan goes to a higher step, which quickly angers the mean girls.
• Jenny whispers to Jonathan that he knows he’s not supposed to sit there and the girls approach and quickly insult him.
• Eric joins Jonathan and Jenny again urges them to sit elsewhere.
• She is a bit mortified that they’re doing this but plays it off as detached anger, summoning the girls away.
• She walks–but they dump yogurt all over Eric.
• Wow! I would’ve smacked that girl!
• I can’t believe Jenny didn’t turn around and help him.
• That’s friendship damaging right there.
• Olivia comes to see Dan, who is clearly feeling better (because he was never sick)
• Olivia asks if he’s upset about the photo that’s circulating and he’s (not-so-suavely) says he’s fine with the photo.
• She spies the copy of her movie on the counter.
• Random question: Dan is living at home and not on campus, right?  I don’t think it was ever explicitly said but it makes sense seeing as we never saw him dealing with dorm life (like we did with Blair and Vanessa) and he’s at the loft an awful lot.
• Olivia realizes what’s bothering Dan: he thinks she’s a bad actress!  LOL
• She tries to defend herself and hits play on the laptop DVD–and it’s the, um, sex scene.
• So now she really realizes what’s bothering him.
• Olivia calls it acting and Dan points out that all the blogs call it a sex tape.
• Olivia says “what the blogs don’t know is that Patrick was never my boyfriend.”
• A gossip blog getting something wrong?  I’m shocked!
• Olivia says the “relationship” was for publicity.
• Okay, so at least she admits she willingly made it *look* like they were together.
• Dan is relieved, of course, and calls her a great actress. LOL
• Olivia says she wants to go back to being a semi-normal couple with him and Dan says he’s willing to do that–and explore her gifts.  Oh boy.
• Olivia says okay–after Chuck’s party.
• She texts Serena that she’ll be there.
• Casey finds out about the club opening–and fires Serena.
• S covers and says this was about getting Olivia and Patrick back together.  Olivia is going so now they just need to get Patrick there.
• I guess S isn’t above being manipulative, either, when it suits her needs.  But that’s nothing new.
• But why does Serena want to stay at this job anyway?  Doesn’t seem like she’s getting anything out of it.
• Olivia sends another text making it clear that Dan is coming.
• Chuck is still trying to get his liquor license.
• The bar manager dude suggests to Chuck that only bribery gets things done quickly.
• And he tells Chuck he can’t open without a license.
• Chuck says he knows that.  He’s trying to think about what Bart would do–and he wants to find an alternative.
• He gets a call–the license has been approved.
• Chuck is happy that it was done without deception.
• But wait!
• Blair gets a text from Uncle Jack Bass saying he got the license and “consider us even.”
• Oh boy.
• Q8: Seems like little Chuck finally stepped out from big bad Bart’s shadow.  Too bad his girlfriend’s still playing on the dark side.–Gossip Girl
• LOL Rufus dressed as one of the Ramones.  Too funny.
• Lily finally admits that they never get trick-or-treaters.
• Rufus says it’s because they never act like they’re home but he let everyone (whoever that is) know that they will be.
• Eric comes home early, not in his uniform.
• Lily is a bit alarmed and asked what happened.
• Eric says to ask Jenny and walks away.
• Lily tells Rufus she’ll “handle this one.”
• LOL Dorota is getting a pediure.  Too cute.
• Chuck comes by.  Apparently this is in Blair’s dorm room.  Convenient that she has this dingle all to herself now with Georgina gone.
• Dorota is thrilled to see him, telling him that when Blair’s made at him she has to work harder. LOL
• Blair cuts her off.
• Chuck has a big gift with him.
• Blair asks if this means he’s forgiven her.
• Chuck says he’s sorry it has taken long for him to get to this place but he wants to put it all behind him and have a new beginning.
• “With gifts” Blair adds.  Ugh.
• Chuck says he knows she knows about the club opening and he wasn’t leaving her out but wanted to accomplish it on his own.
• She opens the gift–it’s a costume for the party. She looks unhappy, probably because she already has one of her own.
• Serena is at the loft with Dan and Olivia.
• LOL Dan said he had to miss recess once because he “purposefully broke the rules of grammar.”
• Serena admits that Casey wants them to break up.
• Olivia says she knows, and that’s why she’s not returning Casey’s calls.
• Serena says she has a compromise: Patrick is coming and if Olivia just walks the red carpet and acts like they’re still together, all will be well.
• Dan says no.  Olivia says it’s one night and agrees.
• Serena says she’ll make sure they are able to meet up after the cameras are gone.
• Dan is still bothered and Olivia says this is just business.
• And Dan says their relationship isn’t business and he doesn’t understand why’d she want to go somewhere with her “fake boyfriend than your real one.”
• She apologizes and says she hopes he’ll meet her inside.
• Lily is talking to Jenny, who apparently admitted what happened but isn’t taking responsibility.
• She says she can’t control what the other girls at school do and Lily says she knows that’s not true.
• Q9: You may not have done the deed but I suspect you gave the order.–Lily
• She didn’t–at least not that we saw–but the bottom line is still the same.
• Jenny puts the blame on Eric for testing her and the pressure of the girls.
• Lily says Jenny can still go to the party tonight–as long as Eric goes with him and she makes the girls apologize.
• Serena and Blair are there as the guy gives Chuck the license.
• He says he’s always happy to help out Jack Bass.  Oops.
• Blair tries to change the subject but Chuck is piiiiiiiiiiiissed.
• Chuck thinks Serena did this so she makes Blair admit her involvement.
• Blair says all that matters is he got the license, it doesn’t matter “who called who to get it.”
• Chuck says Jack “is the last person I would call for help.”
• And Blair should know that.
• Blair says Chuck is “still mad from before and it’s clouding your judgement.”
• Chuck says that last week (whew, they gave us a timeline!) has nothing to do with it.
• Chuck says this is the reason he couldn’t say “I love you” in the past, because it’s not a game to him.  And he knows he can’t trust her.
• Blair, on the other hand, says she does this because she loves him.
• Chuck says “I have a club to open and you’re no longer invited.”
• Blair demands that Serena leave with her but she says she’s staying with Chuck.
• Will this lead to another war?
• Montage of the club opening is in black-and-white with 1920s music playing. Clever.
• Nate shows up.  Amazing how little we see of him in most episodes this season.
• Q10: You alone, Nate? What’s the matter?  You don’t have any friends left to screw over?–Serena
• Glad this hasn’t been forgotten.
• Nate’s comeback is that he’s better because he’s invited and she’s here because she’s working.
• Jenny meets up with her girls, who are annoyed that this isn’t an “exclusive party” because Eric is there.
• Jenny admits that she didn’t have a choice because he “ratted me out to our parents.”
• But she says she has a plan–and this time she won’t get caught.
• Hmmm.  Who is she really going to back-stab?  Eric or the girls?
• Blair is at her dorm, sulking and playing chess with herself as Dorota cleans.
• Q11: It’s a Queen’s job to protect her King.  Chuck should be thanking me for making his club possible, not treating me like some useless Pawn.–Blair (Get it?)
• Dorota says “it’s hard to love a powerful man.”  Oh, okay.
• Blair asks Dorota if she trusts her and Dorota says yes…and gives her a chess tip.
• Knock on the door…it’s flowers.
• Blair assumes they are from Chuck.
• I hope not.  I want to see this drawn out.
• Whew.  Not from Chuck.
• She doesn’t say who they are from (Jack? Some rando?) but demands her dress.
• Rufus is giving the kids candy.  One is, like, six years old and dressed as Lady Gaga.  I know it was done to hype her upcoming appearance but it’s just way too unbelievable (like everything else). What parent would allow that?
• Lily slips Vanya some money–a thank you for getting the kids there.
• The opening appears to be a success with tons of people all appropriately dressed.
• Let it be known: Beverly Hills 90210 did the 20s-themed party first in season 7, way back in 1997.
• Chuck spots Blair and asks what she’s doing there and points out he has more “important things to deal with than your little surprises.”
• Blair says she came to apologize.  And she sounds sincere.  And we’re supposed to fall for it every time.
• Blair says she was trying to make Chuck see that he needed her and they make “a good team.”
• Um, running his business alone doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need you as a girlfriend.  She’s so dense and self-centered.
• Chuck says her apology is only because she knows the liquor license ended up being a fake.
• Blair is surprised that he knows–and asks if Jack sent him “condolence flowers, too.”
• Aha! I was right!  They were from Jack!
• But why would he be apologizing?  I would think he’d be happy to screw Chuck (and Blair) over.
• Blair asks why the place is still open they can’t legally serve alcohol and points out that police can bust him.
• Chuck says he already made the call–whatever that means.  To the cops?  Or what?
• Blair says she’ll take care of the paps–whatever that means.  To keep them on hand for publicity or to shoo them away to avoid bad press?
• Chuck reminds her that they “still have things to discuss.”  Damn straight.
• She says she knows but 10 bucks says she’ll avoid it.
• Eric invites Jenny to sit with him.  He apologizes for getting her in trouble for Lily.
• Pretty sure Jenny should be the one apologizing.
• Eric says he knows no one here (Jonathan is MIA) and Jenny says she doesn’t know anyone, either.
• Eric asks where her “handmaidens” are (that was partly the name of a season 1 episode!) and Jenny just shrugs.
• Turns out, they are egging Jonathan!
• That is so uncalled for.  Ridiculously so.  I can’t stand this.
• Casey shows up with Patrick.
• Patrick calls Serena beautiful and hits on her.
• And I guess we know where this is going?
• Casey is eager to find Olivia so she can get them together in front of the cameras.
• Casey spots Olivia with Dan and gets mad.
• Q12: I’m not going down to a fake boyfriend without a fight.–Dan to Olivia
• Serena tries to cover and runs into Chuck, who says the party is over and points to the cops.
• Q13: And the best costume award goes to New York’s finest.  This party is a bust.–Gossip Girl
• 90210 promo
• The cops shut down the party and confiscate all the liquor.
• Serena asks Chuck why he’s not trying to stop the police and he admits that he called them.
• Blair explains that they figured they’d take control of the situation before Jack could exploit them.
• So I guess he was trying to screw them over.  Makes sense
• Blair calls the plan brilliant and gives credit to both herself and Chuck.
• Q14: You see, S, we belong together.–Blair
• Serena is less than thrilled and says she needs to get her “clients” out before they get in trouble.
• Blair is completely unsympathetic, saying they need Serena’s celebs to give them some notoriety–she wants the paps to see them.
• Serena asks Blair why she would do this to her when she knew making this work was so important to her job.
• Q15: Remember when you chose Chuck?  Now I did, too.–Blair
• Yep, it’s war.
• Rufus says goodbye the trick-or-treaters–who are adorable.
• He jokes that next year they should have a 100 and reveals that he knows Lily got them all there for him.
• Q16: Lady Gaga forgot to change her hair when she came back as Taylor Swift.–Rufus
• Too funny
• Q17: Well, I didn’t want you to feel you had to leave all your traditions in Brooklyn.–Lily (Aw)
• Dan and Olivia are hiding from the cops and the cameras.
• Olivia tells Dan Patrick wasn’t her fake boyfriend–it was legit.
• She says he lied because she “cares” about him and didn’t want him to compare himself.
• Dan asks why she was willing to do the photograph.
• Olivia says that she did end it with him, thereby breaking his heart, and since they’re not working together anymore, his career has “stalled.”
• Olivia says she was going to tell him that…
• Q18: The only person I want to kiss for tonight is you.–Olivia
• Emphasis on “for tonight” or just a figure of speech?
• Serena interrupts and ushers them out.
• She says it’s a good time “to get that kiss.”
• And she opens the curtains, and all the photogs are there.
• Q19: Look everyone.  It’s Olivia Burke kissing her boyfriend, Dan Humphrey.–Serena
• Dan asks Olivia if she’s OK with this is and she says yes so they kiss.
• Casey looks pissed and Patrick looks surprised and maybe a little hurt.
• The cameramen ask who Patrick is dating and Serena says she’s dating him. So they kiss for the camera.
• ‘Cause we didn’t see that coming.
• Q20: Looks like you really proved yourself, S. Your work troubles just turned into a labor of love.–Gossip Girl
• Q21: Perez Hilton drew tears on his own photo because he wasn’t there.–Blair
• First of all, I doubt he would do that.  Second, can we please stop giving him shoutouts?  If the writers actually read his blog, they would know he bashes the show all the time.
• Chuck says the party problems worked out as reservations are already “up 50 percent.”
• Hmm. Can’t say a problem with the cops makes me want to stay at a hotel but I guess that’s just me.
• Blair says this proves she’s trust-worthy. Um, how?
• Chuck says she’ll never be completely trust-worthy but admits it’s not his “strong suit, either” and it keeps things “interesting.”
• You call this interesting?   I call it frustrating!
• Blair says they make a great team but Chuck says to be a team, they need to “focus our duplicity on others.”
• Oh, great. So they’ll both keep being jackasses.
• Blair says it’s just her way of showing that she loves him.  That’s a really sad and pathetic way.
• Chuck says he can think of better ways and kisses her.
• Olivia says she couldn’t be happy with her real boyfriend–except for one thing.
• So they’re going to go back to her place and you know.
• Apparently Vanessa is visiting her sister in Albany.
• Glad they gladly explained why she’s been MIA (not that I mind).  Can’t remember–did we know she had a sister?  I think so.
• Jenny gets a text from one of the mean girls–who apparently is named Sawyer–which says “Operation Dillinger” (a reference to John Dillinger, I guess.  Bet that went over heards!) was a succeess and Jonathan almost cried.
• So sad!
• Jenny doesn’t seem happy.  And she doesn’t deserve to be.
• She walks into the penthouse and Eric glares at her.  He knows what happened.
• Jenny says she wanted to “call it off.”  Um, yeah, right, Jenny.  We believe you.
• Jenny says she did it to avoid a “rebellion.”
• Eric says he at least could’ve warned Jonathan.
• Jenny chalks it up to Halloween–“everyone gets egged.”
• Eric points out “you didn’t.” Oh snap!
• Jenny again says she has to act this way for “school stuff” but she’s still his friend and his sister.
• She just “can’t let the worlds get confused.”
• Apparently Jenny dosen’t realize they are one and the same.
• Eric says he’s not confused.  And I would agree.
• Q22: I want nothing to do with you in either world.–Eric
• Man, it’s about time!  That was looooooooooooong overdue!
• Serena apologizes to Casey but she says Serena did fine and her job is safe…
• …as long as she “publicly dates Patrick” which apparently isn’t an easy thing to do. Hmmm…
• Chuck says he will still have a club–just one that won’t get busted.  A secret club with keys.  “An ambassador program.”
• The bar manager dude tells him that “your father would be proud of you. In the best way.”
• Serena comes back looking for Casey’s purse.
• Blair, apparently having forgotten the earlier transgressions, asks her to be the publicist ofr the new members-only club.
• Q23: Blair, I would never work for you.–Serena
• Q24: But I’m giving you the chance to leave that Lizzie Grubman wannabe before you get run over.–Blair (Another reference that probably flew over younger viewers.)
• Q25: You don’t get it. Casey can be a bitch because she’s my boss.  You’re supposed to be my friend. Chuck might forgive you but I don’t.-Serena
• Good!
• Blair looks shocked and hurt.  Of course she doesn’t understand.
• Cut to Jenny in her room.
• Q26: …except for little girls who forget that Halloween only lasts for one night.  They wear their costumes for so long, pretty soon they can’t even remember who they were before they put them on.–Gossip girl
• Cue Jenny cleaning out her closet and tossing away her sewing machine.
• I guess an identity makeover is in order? Wonder where they’re going with this exactly…
• Preview: Prepping for Tripp Vanderbilt’s election party, Blair left Serena off the guest list, Serena wants revenge and Nate says “revenge isn’t a solid foundation for friendship” but Serena doesn’t want friendship. The screen says “Every friendship has a term limit.”  And Blair’s voiceover says “This night is over and so are we.”

Those are my thoughts. What’s yours?