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EPISODE 3.18: The Unblairable Lightness of Being

• Previously On: Jenny kisses Nate, Nate says they’re friends, Lily has to go visit her mom again, Eric meets Elliot, Vanya proposes to Dorota, Jack asks for Blair or the hotel and Chuck gives Blair, Chuck says Blair chose to go, Blair slaps him and says “Goodbye Chuck”
• The title is a play on the book/movie The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
• Looks like Blair’s having another one of her movie dreams.
• It’s in black and white.
• She wakes up. 20s music is playing. There is a creepy man outside her window.
• The man comes in, along with others.
• They drag her away as she screams for Chuck.
• Cut to Chuck coming in and finding her dress on the floor, yelling no.
• This is what the Matthew Williamson display was based on.
• Q1: It’s time to awake from our slumber and learn the hard truth–that some nightmares don’t end once we open our eyes.–Gossip Girl
• Both Blair and Chuck were having the nightmare, only to wake up and find that they’re alone.
• Chuck goes looking for liquor in his hotel room.
• Serena and Nate come in, saying he won’t find any.
• They know this has to do with Blair.
• Q2: You go the Empire back. You two should be celebrating, not fighting.–Nate
• Serena wants to know what’s going on.
• Q3: I thought our relationship could withstand anything. I was wrong.–Chucl
• Serena says to buy something.
• Chuck says that won’t do anything. He’s already apologized.
• She’s asked to be left alone.
• Serena says he has to do something to show he still cares.
• He goes back to bed.
• S tells Nate to talk to Blair. She’s having brunch with the Humphreys.
• Dorota is talking in Polish on the phone, angry and panicked.
• Eleanor and Cyrus want to know what’s going on.
• Dorota’s parents are coming to NY on Monday.
• Cyrus is excited.
• Dorota says her parents don’t know she’s pregnant and not married.
• They will disown her or take her “back to Old Country.”
• Nate comes in. Eleanor says Blair hasn’t left her room for days.
• He said he’ll try his best.
• Q4: Great, he sent good cop.–Blair
• Nate says Chuck didn’t send him. She realizes Serena did.
• Nate says he’s sure she can find a suitable punishment for whatever Chuck did and move on.
• Q5: Punishment is your middle name.–Nate
• She says she can’t tell anyone what happened. It’s too awful.
• Nate says nothing is too awful among friends.
• Blair makes him promise he won’t tell anyone, even Serena.
• Interesting that she’s confiding in him!
• She asks him if he knows how Chuck got his hotel back.
• He thinks money.
• Blair tells him what happened: Chuck tried to exchange her for “his beloved Empire.”
• Nate is stunned.
• Dorota is still yelling.
• Cyrus is trying to translate. It’s funny.
• I miss him. And I really like him with Eleanor.
• Chuck comes in, all dressed up in a suit and with flowers.
• He asks what’s going on.
• Cyrus explains Dorota’s “bond.”
• She comes in.
• Eleanor suggests Dorota go to City Hall with Vanya.
• Dorota says she can’t. She got married at Polish City Hall the first time!
• She learned tradition is required.
• Eleanor says that’s not why her marriage didn’t work out.
• Dorota says she spoke to Blair about how her wedding is should be big and grand and perfect.
• Eleanor says Blair loves a wedding.
• Chuck says he has to interject.
• Nate and Blair come downstairs.
• She’s surprised and unhappy to see him.
• Dorota runs over. Says she’s getting married. Tomorrow.
• Because Chuck is throwing the wedding!
• Chuck told Dorota he and Blair are back together!
• And she adds that Polish tradition says a happy couple has to give the couple away.
• Q6: Will you be happy couple for Vanya and me?–Dorota
• Chuck says he can’t answer for Blair but he’d love to do it.
• Dorota asks Blair for her response.
• Serena is texting someone that breakfast is almost over and she’ll see them soon.
• Suddenly Carter comes up!
• Q7: Hello, beautiful.–Carter
• She doesn’t look happy to see him. But is she surprised? I’m not sure.
• Q8: Poor B just realized Chuck will do anything to keep the flame alive. As for Serena, looks like she’s playing with fire.–Gossip Girl
• OTH promo!
• Wedding plans are underway in a packed Waldorf home.
• Chuck tries to see if Blair is happy about the plans but she’s not.
• Q9: All this disingenuous generosity is making me want to vomit.–Blair
• Q10: You know weddings are my weakness.–Blair
• Q11: “Blair, you and I are magnetic. You can feel it. Our pull is as undeniable as over. I love you. Saying it was hard but I did and never looked back. So now I’m asking you to do this for me. Please forgive me.” “I’m sorry, I can’t.”–Chuck and Blair
• Serena arrives. Nate asks for help with flowers. She gives a cute response.
• She grabs a croissant because she’s starved. Nate’s confused because she was supposed to be at brunch. She gives an excuse.
• Humphreys, plus Eric, are finishing brunch.
• Rufus says they are invited to Dorota’s wedding.
• Eric says he’s going.
• But he can’t ask Elliot because he’s not sure if he’s gay.
• Rufus says it’s too bad Lily will be missing the wedding.
• Dan says he can ask her to come home.
• Rufus says CeCe needs her.
• Q12: So do you.–Dan
• He says to ask her to be his date. It will be romantic.
• Nate tells Chuck he knows about what happened.
• He says Chuck crossed a line.
• Chuck says he is rushing to judgment and might not know the whole truth.
• Q13: I may be heartless but you’re naive.–Chuck
• He explains that he made the deal but Blair didn’t know about it when she went to see Jack.
• Q14: I can feel your brain is trying, Nathaniel. I can’t expect you to understand. You and Serena have it easy. Until now your biggest concern is who has shinier hair.–Chuck
• Chuck says Carter is back in town…and he knows Serena was with him this morning.
• Nate says Chuck doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Chuck tells him HE doesn’t.
• Nate leaves.
• Sad I missed the rest of their quotes.
• Blair finds Serena in bed.
• Serena says she knows she and Blair are going through a hard time but this wedding is romantic.
• Q15: That’s the thing with him, S. Everything is a game.–Blair
• Q16: The last game that we played, we both lost.–Blair
• Blair says Serena and Nate are admirable because they’re low-key and don’t have games.
• She asks S how she does it.
• Serena doesn’t really have an answer.
• Carter comes up to Nate on the street.
• He says he’s dropping something off for Serena.
• Nate tells him to stay away from his girlfriend.
• Q17: She’s the one that wants something. And it looks like I’m the only one who can give it to her. Because you don’t even know what it is.–Carter
• Carter gives him an envelope and walks off.
• Eek! I’ve been pulling for Serenate from Day 1 but I also like S and Carter. (And S and Dan! Double eek!)
• Jenny and Eric come up.
• Nate asks if Serena has brunch with them this morning.
• Eric says yes. Jenny says no!
• Cyrus has found the perfect wedding gift for Dorota.
• Q18: Surprise, S. A special delivery courtesy of little J. I guess good things don’t always come in small packages.–Gossip Girl
• (Um, who ever said they do?)
• There is a web interview with Dorota at wpix11.com. Or something like that. I was distracted during the promo.
• It’s the pre-wedding party or something.
• Polish music is playing.
• Dorota and Vanya are having fun.
• Vanya says they have to do a traditional game. Everyone needs a partner and a balloon.
• You get closer and closer, hoping the balloon won’t pop between you.
• Eric is upset because he didn’t see Elliott in the lobby.
• He says he waited so long he broke his BrickBreaker high score! LOL
• Jenny makes a remark about Nate and Serena.
• Eric is put off.
• Jenny says they’er all just friends.
• A girl hits on Chuck. He brushes her off.
• He goes over to Blair and says they’ve done something like that before.
• Q19: No talking. Just dance.–Blair
• Serena apologizes to Nate for not telling him about Carter.
• She says all they did was have coffee.
• Nate says Carter made it seem like it was more than that.
• Serena points out that Carter is a known liar and Nate should trust her.
• Q20: Why should I trust you? The only reason we’re having this conversation right now is because you got caught.–Nate
• Their balloon pops. He walks off. Jenny follows.
• Eleanor asks Dan where his partner is. He she–Vanessa–is in Vermont.
• She tells Dan to make himself useful and get some ice. LOL
• Eleanor and Cyrus start to dance.
• He’s ecstatic. Her gift is finalized. He got them an apartment!
• Eleanor is very surprised.
• He says it’s in Queens and it will be an easy commute.
• Eleanor asks why she needs an apartment when she has a penthouse to live and work in.
• And she says the apartment gift is inappropriate for their maid.
• Cyrus points out Dorota is family.
• Q21: She practically raised Blair!–Cyrus
• He walks off.
• Jenny asks Nate how he is. She saw what happened with Serena.
• Nate says maybe he overreacted. He talks to all his exes.
• Jenny asks if he knows what’s in the envelope.
• She takes it out of S’s purse, despite Nate’s protestation, and opens it.
• It’s a key to the St. Regis Hotel. A room key.
• Jenny asks  why S would need that.
• Blair and Chuck are still dancing.
• He’s trying to flirt and apologize. It’s kind of sensual. Not unlike their moment in the blackout last season.
• But then it turns tense.
• Q22: “No one forced you to go up there.” “I forced myself for you.” “You didn’t even know.” “I know. It’s just–this game is over!”–Chuck and Blair
• Their balloon pops and she walks off.
• Dan walks over and asks if she’s okay.
• Blair asks why he cares when he thinks so low of them.
• Dan says he doesn’t really think that way about her and asks what happened.
• He realizes Chuck must’ve done something really horrible.
• Blair says she did, too. She just hasn’t said that to Chuck.
• She says she’s a terrible person.
• Q23: Blair and Chuck. Chuck and Blair. Who else can love me after what I’ve become?–Blair
• Maybe Dan??? Dair fans must’ve loved that!
• Rufus is trying to reach Lily. Whoever he calls, I guess the resort or whatever, doesn’t seem to know where she is or have even heard of her.
• He tries all sorts of names but nada. He is definitely perplexed and frustrated.
• Q24: Lily’s caught in a lie. Guess it’s the truth that’s getting massaged.–Gossip Girl
• They had one of the Gossip Girl Vitamin Water promos.
• I think one also aired earlier with the voice of Kristen Bell (aka Gossip Girl).
• Blair is getting dressed for the wedding.
• Chuck comes in.
• He opens a jewelry case. Inside is a necklace.
• She lifts her hair. He puts it on.
• Seriously? That’s going to make it all better? Puh-lease!
• She looks really sad.
• He kisses the back of her head.
• Q25: Everything you said last night is true. We belong together. We’re both sick and twisted. If you think about it, we’re incredibly fortunate to even have found each other.–Blair
• Q26: “Blair, I don’t want this to be you settling. Some consolation.” “(I missed the first sentence.) At least we won’t be lonely in hell.”–Chuck and Blair
• She kisses him lightly, not lovingly at all.
• She says, with an attitude, she thought he would be happy and walks out.
• Dan tells Eric, as they get into a car, maybe he’ll meet a gay cousin of Vanya’s. Um, okay.
• Eric asks if he’s worried about Rufus not coming.
• Rufus is still trying to reach Lily.
• Cyrus introduces a Polish tradition to the crowd of wedding guests.
• Serena and Nate walk into the building.
• She says she knows he’s still mad and he needs to talk to her about it.
• He asks why she had a key to Carter’s hotel room.
• She wants to now why he went through her things.
• Q27: “Carter is helping me my find my dad.” “Oh, was he in Carter’s hotel room?”–S and Nate
• Serena says she loves him (Nate). The issue is she was embarrassed to tell him she was still looking for her dad.
• Nate says she wants her to stop seeing him (Carter).
• S says she loves him (again) but that doesn’t mean he can dictate who she sees.
• He says when it comes to Carter, he can.
• Vanya is telling the crowd why he deserves to marry Dorota. It’s sweet and I missed the quote. Dammit.
• Cyrus tells the crowd it’s now time to get married. He’s loving this.
• He calls on the “happy couple” to escort them into the chapel.
• Chuck steps forward.
• Blair is in tears, with her back to everyone.
• Dorota asks her if she’s okay.
• Q28: I can’t do this. I can’t keep pretending and I can’t lie to you, Dorota. Chuck and I aren’t happy. At all. And if we walk you in, your marriaged will be jinxed. I’m sorry. I can’t.–Blair
• She runs off. Chuck looks sad. Everyone is shocked.
• Q29: Poor, Chuck. It looks like he’s got a runaway bride’s maid on his hands.–Gossip Girl
• 90210 promo
• Blair is some room. Dorota comes in.
• Dorota says she should’ve realized something was still wrong with her and Chuck. B tells her everything.
• Blair says she couldn’t admit it to anyone–or even herself.
• She apologizes for ruining Dorota’s wedding. She asks if Vanya hates her.
• Dorota says no.
• She says she came to America to start a new life and make new traditions…and she found a family.
• Q30: When I saw how happy you and Vanya are, I realized how unhappy I am.” “I wish you to be like me one day. Find good love. I don’t need happy couple. I just need you to be happy.”–Blair and Dorota
• Eleanor interrupts. She was listening.
• She tells them both to come walk down the aisle.
• Carter shows up. Serena meets him.
• She says she told him to stay away.
• He says his PI pinned him down, 3 hours away. Let’s go.
• She hesitates. He says this is what she’s wanted.
• Serena says this won’t be like the last time. She will make him see her.
• She says she just has to say she’s leaving.
• Carter says there’s no time and she can call from the car.
• Jenny spies them leaving.
• She goes over to Eric, who says she didn’t miss anything.
• Elliott walks over. Eric is surprised to him.
• Q31: I like Dorota. We’re tight now. We talked about The Vampire Diaries.–Elliott
• Yikes. Elliott has a girlfriend! And she seems snobby!
• Ceremoyn is going on.
• Blair and Chuck try not to look at each other.
• Eleanor tells Cyrus he was right. Dorota is family.
• She says she was scared to admit it because she didn’t awnt to think anyone could’ve raised her better than she could.
• Cyrus says she is a great mother.
• Eleanor reminds her that things happened before he came along.
• I wonder if we’ll see more than that. Or learn more about it. (Besides what we did see.) It seems like there’s so many unresolved issues.
• We don’t see Dorota and Vanya’s vows. They kiss. People cheer. It’s all over.
• Q31: “It’s not nothing. I didn’t do it but I would have! I want what Dorota and Vanya have. Real live.” “You’d be bored in give minutes.” “Better bored than ashamed.”
• Q32: “I never thought it was possible to love someone too much but maybe it is. I don’t like who I’ve become with you.” “Blair, don’t bail on me. We have to see this through to the end.”  “This is the end, Chuck.”–Blair and Chuck
• She walks off. Almost in tears again.
• Nate asks Jenny where Serena is.
• Jenny says she doesn’t want to be the one to tell him this but she left with Carter.
• Of course he’s not happy.
• S and Carter are in car.
• She’s looking at the ticket.
• Carter asks what S is going to say to her dad.
• She asks how long he knew about where her dad is.
• He says a day or two. She says the ticket proves otherwise.
• He admits he knew for a week.
• She realizes he was doing this to get close to her again.
• She reminds him she has a boyfriend.
• He tells her not to settle for Nate.
• She demands the car pull over. She orders him out of the car.
• She says this is something she should be doing on her own, anyway.
• Carter isn’t happy but he leaves.
• This is not the Carter from earlier this season. The Carter that wanted to change. This is the Carter from season 1. I don’t like it.
• Q33: Goodbye, Baisin. Hello, Palm Beach. With Carter out of the picture, looks like Serena’s making room for daddy.–Gossip Girl
• So many “looks like” quotes from GG tonight!
• Everyone is cheering for the real happy couple–Dorota and Vanya.
• Eleanor gives each of them a key. Says it from Cyrus…and her.
• Cyrus enthusiastically tells them it’s to an apartment in Queens…theirs.
• They are ecstatic. It’s wonderful.
• Dorota hugs Eleanor tightly.
• Eleanor thanks her for “everything” over the years.
• Dorota thanks her for everything, too, all these years. Says she’s been like a mother. Eleanor says sister. LOL
• Rufus has reached CeCe via phone.
• Q34: I love my wife but I’ve had it with all these lies. Tell me or I’m walking out the door and never looking back.–Rufus
• CeCe says he’s write that she’s not with her but Lily needs to tell him the rest. She hangs up on him!
• This is the second episode recently where we’ve heard Caroline Lagerfelt but not seen her. I wonder if it’s budget issues.
• Chuck is flirting with the girl from earlier. He knows Blair is watching.
• Dan comes up to Blair and sees she’s watching Chuck and girl.
• They banter for a second and Dan asks her to dance.
• Nate tries to stop Chuck from going off with the girl.
• Chuck says he’s single now and this is who he is.
• Elliott asks Eric to dance.
• Eric says he should do that with his girlfriend.
• Elliott says his GF left. She was mad because he kept talking about this guy he met last week and that he’s become kind of obsessed with him.
• Eric laughs and says he’s confused. Elliott obviously likes girls.
• Elliott says he also likes boys. Like him.
• They laugh and leave together. Aw. I liked that.
• S calls Nate’s phone.
• Jenny answers and spies Nate but says he’s not around.
• Serena says to tell him that she loves him and something else. I missed it. But you know the real point of this whole part.
• Jenny says she will and S thanks her.
• Jenny goes over to Nate and asks him to dance. He enthusiastically accepts.
• Q35: When we open our heart, we can explore a world of love and be pleasantly surprised by the people already in our life.–Gossip Girl
• Serena’s plan has landed. She is walking into a hotel. She knocks on the hotel door and asks, “Dad?”
• And Lily opens the door!
• Q36: But unfortunately our hearts are very sensitive and when they’re broken, everything around us is shattered. Total eclipse of the heart. XOXO, Gossip Girl.–Gossip Girl (Totally butchered this quote and missed the earlier part of it pre-Q35. I am so off tonight.)
• Fade to black.
• Wow! Wasn’t expecting that. I feel like I should’ve been, though!
• Preview: Chuck, with girls getting dressed behind him, tells Jenny he wants his friend back. Jenny is partying with Chuck. Serena asks Nate via phone if that’s Jenny she hears in the background. Nate asks what is wrong with himself. Jenny says he deserves better and leans in to kiss him. This episode airs in two weeks, 4/26, the same night of OTH’s new episode. Order will be restored!